Thoughts from Kirk and co.

Yesterday my friend Bihong and I were at the Starbucks in Barnes and Noble getting hopped up on caffeine and remembering “the good old days” even though we are 20 and 21 respectively. Yeah. We’re codergy. Anyway, the topic went from the now-infamous Balloon Boy to the lagging quality of modern video games. (Thought process: Balloon Boy -> Falcon Heene -> Falcon -> Falcon Punch -> F-Zero X soundtrack playing to video of the balloon flying across Colorado -> F-Zero being an awesome video game -> Nintendo -> Nintendo sucking now).

As the conversation went on, Pokemon came up. Yes. All of us currently in the 16-to-24 demographic remember Pokemon well, especially those of us who are male. Ladies, if your 16-to-24-year-old boyfriend says he doesn’t remember Pokemon, with all due respect, he’s full of shit, and probably has three binders full of trading cards lying around his parent’s house like the rest of us. Ask him what the GameShark code is to get Mew or how you catch a MISSINGNO, and then watch his fingers. He can deny knowing anything about it to the world, but I guarantee you, the muscle memory never dies.



In fact, just start singing the theme song. He’ll know the words.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usTrPZoAW3Y&feature=player_embedded

(In Arabic)



Sa ajmoha alaaaaan! Pokemon!

Anyways, Bihong and I got talking, and apparently he had seen some sort of comic book where people actually fight wars with Pokemon and Team Rocket can actually kill people. Naturally, this conversation led to such conjectures as “what would the Isareli-Palestinian conflict look like if the streets of Gaza were overrun with Squirtles?” Finally, a lightbulb went off. B and I decided to assign political and world leaders one Pokemon each. Who would they choose? Why would they chose it?



We decided to limit ourselves to the original 150 Pokemon, since our knowledge of Pokemon from the Gold and Silver games was limited, and anything after that, well – we felt lost. And old. Here are our decisions. Feel free to add to this list.

Barack Obama
Pikachu

Originally B and I had both agreed on Blastoise for some random reason, but we decided Pikachu would be more appropriate. Both Obama and Pikachu are incredibly popular, marketable, and charged with saving the universe. Some might also argue that both are too weak to take on their enemies, both need to evolve a little more before they can become true (Pokemon) masters, both are a little overrated, and both can get kind of annoying (“Hope!” vs. “Pika pika!”). In spite of this, the people have spoken. Obama/Pikachu, I choose you! (Also, as an aside, the latest version of Microsoft Word recognizes Pikachu as a real word, but not “Barack Obama.” Bias much?)

Chances at becoming a Pokemon master: Pretty good, I guess.



Hillary Clinton
Gyrados

Isn’t it obvious?

Chances at becoming a Pokemon master: You know…I wouldn’t piss her off.



Bill Clinton
Jynx

Again, kind of obvious. Jynx is the only Pokemon with breasts. It’s blonde, kind of frumpy, and is the one thing in the Pokemon universe that looks kind of like Monica Lewinsky. Totally Bill’s type. And you know what? Even with his token Jynx in tow, he would still be a kick-ass president. I could totally see them animating him into one of the cartoons.

Chances at becoming a Pokemon master: Ohhhh, yeeeeeah….*lights candles*



John McCain
Slowpoke

No disrespect to Sen. McCain. He really is an American hero worthy of praise. But when you are someone who claims the economy is doing great on the day it crashes or can’t figure out all kinds of newfangled things like this “Internet” stuff, well….

Chances at becoming a Pokemon master: Uh…no. Just no.



Sarah Palin
Magikarp

Because when we’re backed against the wall in a battle and we have no other viable options, we throw out whatever we’ve got. In the Poke-verse, sometimes that’s a Magikarp. In the Republican Party, well, that’s Sarah Palin. Now there are legitimate reasons to play a Magikarp. For instance, you might play it in hopes that the stress and the experience points will lead it to evolve into something awesome (see “Gyrados/Hillary Clinton”). But usually, it just flops around. Its only defense is the pity it elicits from its enemy. Beware.

Chances at becoming a Pokemon master: Finish him off with a Splash attack, Sarah!



Arnold Schwarzenegger
Machamp

Good luck trying to get either one of these muscleheads to speak English. GAH GAGAGA GAAAAH, the great state of CA-LI-FOOOOOR-NYA…

Chances at becoming a Pokemon master: Eeeet’s uh TUUUUUMOR! Get in ze chopper! And come with me if you want to LEEEEEEEEVE…



George W. Bush
Mankey

Dubya was kind of hard. There were so many options available. But ultimately, we settled on Mankey. Citing Wikipedia, both Mankey and Bush have a “round, pig-like snout.” Both are “usually calm and somewhat mischevious, but if it gets angry it can be very dangerous." Mankeys also "enjoy various fruit, such as honeydew melons." Don't know what that has to do with anything, just thought I'd add that. Plus, in the cartoon, "a Mankey stole Ash Ketchum's trademark red cap." We could see Bush doing that.

Chances of becoming a Pokemon master: Only history will tell



Joe Biden
Psyduck

Both tend to quack a lot, but both can be smarter than they look. Also, physical resemblance is uncanny.

Chances of becoming a Pokemon master: Well, he’s vice president. That’s pretty good. And Psyducks are good at foreign policy I hear…



Dick Cheney
Drowzee

Again, physical resemblance is uncanny. Plus both are alleged to have unholy mind control powers.

Chances of becoming a Pokemon master: Cheney wrote the book on it. So…sleepy….



Kim Jong-Il
Jigglypuff

Sure, we like to give Kim Jong-Il crap for wearing grandma sunglasses, and from what we understand, during the Dear Leader’s weekly karaoke meeting with his advisors, he also has the power to make people fall asleep. But the thing about both Kim and Jigglypuff is – you have no damn idea what the hell either one is going to do next. And that makes both these little pink fluffballs extremely dangerous. Just imagine a Jigglypuff with nuclear weapons. Then tell me that doesn’t terrify you.

Chances of becoming a Pokemon master: JIIII-GA-LEE-PUFFFF, JIGA-LEEEE-EEE-EEE….*BOOOOOOOOM* Demilitarized zone between North and South Korea evaporates, Grandma Kim smiles sinisterly.

Anyone we left out?

--Kirk Cooper and Bihong Chang